my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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