Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
