Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
