And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
