I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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