i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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