I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
