I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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