I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
