This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
