I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
