I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
