Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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