just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
