GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
