I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
