don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
