We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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