I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
