Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
This house was built for laser tag.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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