i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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