there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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