The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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