I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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