Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize