on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
