i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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