please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
