Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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