He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
the condom got lost in my hair
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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