i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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