vagina is talking i cant
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
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