So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
