Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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