Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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