She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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