I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
