I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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