Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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