On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
