You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
