I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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