i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
