remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
