Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
