i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
