Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
