he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
