Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
