We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize