I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
