:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
