Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
