she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Houston, we have a squirter
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
