I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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