what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
