Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize