You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She needs sedatives and a leash
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
