I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
