I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
