its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My penis needs a shock collar
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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