I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
