My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
