Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
