I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
