Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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