My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
