As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
