It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
