I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
