D3 body, D1 cock
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
