I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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