Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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