And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
