would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i think my mom watched the whole time
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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