Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
