Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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